REVIEW: The F45 Cult


I truly applaud people who can stay focused and challenged while working out alone. I see nurses on Instagram all the time crushing it; They’re meal prepping, they’re creating content, they’re working 12hr shifts, and traveling while looking FLAWLESS.

Couldn’t be me.聽

I know social media isn’t a reality, but I also know their dedication to their fitness is also never going to be my reality.聽

It can feel mildly demoralizing to see people so in command of their schedules and eating habits when I can barely remember to eat lunch which then somehow justifies my wanton consumption of gummy bears after dinner. So, with my cyber jealously running a little rampant, I knew I needed to find a repeated kick in the leggings that I could never give myself.聽

Enter, F45.聽

Functional Training 45, perhaps you’ve seen it, is a fitness class-style gym, but one that doesn’t require torturous levels of cardio (I’m looking at you SoulCycle, Barry’s Bootcamp, and OrangeTheory). Don’t be fooled though, there is still cardio, it’s just achieved through other functional movements and strength training.聽

My local F45 had this killer deal, a 2-week trial, unlimited classes for $45. Mind you, a single drop-in class will run you $32-$35 depending on where your studio is. So I purchased this great trial run and I was even ambitious enough to think I could go twice a day some days. Idiot

I started on a Monday,聽cardio day, a workout known to F45ers as Red Line.

I almost didn’t go back. This was the hardest day of my entire life AND ON A MONDAY.聽

The class was some 45+ rounds of exercise work. Each exercise movement had 5 levels, so I started with burpees because they’re the worst and I wanted to get them over with.聽

I feel I should mention, I’m a bit competitive and I’m 90% sure it’ll be the death of me and my friends, it nearly was.聽

Here is the structure of said Burpees:聽

  • 20 seconds of work
  • 5 seconds of rest
  • 30 seconds of work
  • 5 seconds of “rest”聽
  • 40 second of work聽
  • 5 seconds – enough time for one thought: Would they notice me run out the front door?
  • 50 seconds of blacking out
  • 5 seconds of realizing I’ve lost the ability to speak

Then you switch stations to a new exercise and start again. In a mask.

Now, I’m not a trainer but I’m also not sure whoever wrote this was either, they’re clearly a sadist. Red Line? No, no, flat line would have been more apropo.

That was exercise 1. We had about 20 more to go. 5 seconds is juuuuuust enough time to inhale once or blink, in case you were wondering, and you can’t do both at the same time so, take your pick. Believe it or not, the cycling portion of this Sadists Ladder workout was the easiest.聽

Now I’m complaining a lot, and this workout truly was hard, I sweat through my shirt, my leggings, and burned 512 calories in 45 minutes! That’s a damn good workout.聽

The next morning I was stiff, but I was not a paraplegic as I had been expecting. So, while fully questioning my sanity, I went back. I reasoned that if I could make it through Monday’s Red line, I could survive anything.聽


I’ve been going consistently, 5-6X a week for a month now. I’m a full member and I love it. They’ve changed the format, as they do every month so nothing gets stale, so Red Line is now gone so please do not let that deter you. This is a great workout, it’s effective and efficient, and It fits well into any schedule! They have morning and afternoon classes, I go to the 4:30 pm class.聽

You won’t find a better kick in the pants anywhere else. I would never push myself as hard as these classes push me. I surreptitiously pick one person in each class to compete with so I don’t slack off.

Disclaimer: These classes DO NOT force competition.

There is every fitness level in the class. Everyone works as hard as they can in their time. You’re in your own station so you never feel like you’re compared or even have time to look at what someone else is doing. No one looking at you either, too much sweat in their eyes.

I feel stronger, I sleep better, and now my mouthful of gummy bears doesn’t make me feel guilty!

Win, Win, WIN.聽

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To learn more about F45, visit their website by clicking here.


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REVIEW: The F45 Cult

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